Pigeon Shit

Ding dong, darlings.

You may, if you’ve been rigorous in your consumption of online current affairs (i.e. following FaceFuck updates), already be aware - so apologies for repetition - that a pigeon shat on my head outside Starbucks on Friday 13th. Apparently, this was “lucky”.

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YOU’RE A C*NT! / Not my words: a man in the crowd

If you’ve ever boarded an N8 towards Hainault at 3am in full drag you might be familiar with the descent of a dreaded sense that there’s a man near you who seems suddenly possessed of the urge to defend himself against your fabulousness. There may even be more than one. And all you want to do is get home.

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The cut and thrust

Sleep, or rather the lack of it, continues to be the principle threat to my sanity.

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Tom Jones

A man so hairy he has to wax his own tongue.

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Twat Tapestry, Free Bleeding and the Teabreak Challenge

The Dickie Beautique would like to thank Abi Sylvester at CraftyCrafty for bringing to our attention the weird and wonderful world of Christa Rowley’s Female Anatomy Cross Section Cross Stitch eggstravaganza on Crafster. We think this shit’s the tits.

Cyberworld does have a tendency to be a bit of a male-dominated maze so it was interesting to see, over on CraftyCrafty’s sister site, Dollymix, that Katie Lee has compiled a top ten of women’s sites on the web, which includes a couple of our favourites, The Lipster (a “pop culture broadsheet”) and Gawker’s women’s website, Jezebel.

We got so inspired we decided to launch forth and enter the labiarinth ourselves. On our quest we found what we believe to be the very best women’s website EVER….

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Her name was Tallulah, she lived till she died

As we poured ourselves into the thinning streets of a drizzly Vauxhall in the early hours of Sunday morning last, the sound of ‘Last Dance’ a damp echo in our ears, we took what’s technically known as ‘a moment’ and paused for thought. We’d been dancing to the tunes of the DJ’s DJ, Severino, in Horse Meat Disco’s Lovebox special at Area. It was time for the weekend to begin winding down - the first weekend in six decades, since long before the legalisation of homosexuality, that a certain queer old dame known as Tallulah could be said to be well and truly off the planet. Severino had just dedicated the last song of the last set of Saturday night to him. And a big bunch of queers threw a cheer.

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Dangers to themselves and others

Having watched his daughter go insane and be sectioned by the State and go insane and be sectioned by the State again and… so on, Jamie Spears has taken the bull by the horns and Britney under his wing at last, is assuming full responsibility for her welfare and is gonna give her a bloody good hiding. For a fee. Let’s hope it works because she’s in danger of becoming California’s answer to Kerry Katona and that would be just … fat.

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We’re all doomed

When you fill the army with fags and dykes and spit in the face of God, you have sown the wind, and shall reap the whirlwind (Hos. 8:7).

You’ve got to hand it to the Reverend Fred Phelps, of Westboro Baptist Church. He’s not just your average cunt, he’s a persistent cunt, and possibly the most organised and efficient cunt we’ve ever come across. Basically, he’s a professional cunt.

A professional cunt who’s also a clever cunt with an uncommonly keen eye for good copy. He’s such an eloquent cunt he should really be working in advertising; he’s completely wasted on God.

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